Yea, I know I haven't updated lately! Life is going on...fall has come to Alabama, the weather is BEAUTIFUL!! Its nice and warm during the day and then nights and mornings are chilly!!!! After the heat this summer, this weather is wonderful!!!!

We got 3 new children in the last 3 weeks. Two brothers one week and then a week later a newborn, finally!! It seems like ages since we have had a newborn!! I think the saddest thing is when one of the new little boys prays at night(we pray with each of them at bedtime)and asks Jesus to get his mommy out of jail!!!!!  Poor lil guy!! I think the older one may have said it already too, but the younger one says it more. So sad!!I mean what do you say?  Its so unfair that kids always are the ones who suffer from their parents' mistakes. The innocent ones suffer the most. But at least we can care for the kids, love them, and help them while they are here.

I had off last Sunday, so I spent the weekend over at mom and dad's house. I like going over just to relax and hang out. Sunday afternoon, dad and I took a long ride on his motorcycle. It had been a long time since I had had  a ride, so that was nice.

Ok, what else to say...I know this is short, maybe one of these days, I'll write more and deeper....til then...

So last week was awesome!!! There was a youth group here, Hicksville Mennonite, from Ohio to work for a week. They were hard workers and did great!!! They put up a new swingset for the kids which them and I love(it keeps them entertained) it!! The kids love getting swing rides on it!! They also did a lot of painting and moved our pantry inside!! It was also a blast hanging out with them in the evenings at the dorms after shift. It had been so long since I had just hung out with a youth group. Whether it was playing Dutch Blitz( some of the games got wild...it was a blast) or sitting up talking til way too late(or early, if you get technical), we had so much fun!!!! But of course, the week ened and they all went home!! Oh well, there is Facebook!! Made lots of new FB friends!!

Things are still quieter around here with less kids. We had another one leave Wed. Fri evening one lil boy had a visit from his daddy and Sat our 10 month old got a visit from her daddy and brothers. Her poor daddy though, she would cry and reach for us sometimes as we were the familiar ones. He did good with here though.

This morning a couple of the little boys were talking about a frog in the one bathroom. I went to look and sure enough someone had put water in the tub and put a frog in it!!! I took it out and put it outsie where it belongs!!!! The kids said it was B, so I asked him later and he said it was D!!! D admitted to it!!!!Boys!!!! Oh the joys!!!! Then this afternoon someone got a hold of lotion and put a bunch on the hallway. I questioned the kids out and they all denied it!!! I never did figure out who did it, guess we have Mr. Nobody living here!!!

J is having a harder time getting adjusted this time back with his foster family. Ms Angie talked to me last week and said we are going to hold off on visits for a few weeks to let him get settled. I talked to his foster mom Tues and wondered about next week, since his Bday is the 19th. She said she would talk to her husband and let me know, which was fine. He's young enough that it won't bother him if we celebrate it later. So I talked to her today and she said he had a couple meltdowns yesterday.  I guess she must have asked him what was wrong or something because he would then say my name. Ahhh, my poor little boy. So we are going to wait a couple more weeks before I visit again!!! She said he is quiet. Pray for him, when you think of it, and me too. I know this is hard for him and he doesn't understand and I know it has set him back, all this back and forth stuff!!!!

Well, I should run along. Melissa and I are siutting here in this cute coffee shop that I have fallen in love with!!! I've been here several times now and will be back, I'm sure. Have a great day, everyone!!

One day almost 3 weeks ago, I got news that shifted my world dramatically. I'll try to tell the events of the last couple weeks as best I can(I tried to copy and paste over some journaling I had done, but for some reason it would not let me, so I  guess I will just have to keep going back and looking and typing it out again!!) I remember, I think  it was my day off and I had been down at the pool and was walking up to the house and met Rachel(one of the married daughters at Adullam House). She had Jalen by the hand and made a comment about him having a stinky and I was kinda confused because why did she have him and why was he out here,etc. She said her mom wanted to see me, so I followed her. I noticed she was all dressed up and commented to her about it and I think she mentioned they had been court. ( I hadn't known but they had gone to court to terminate J's mothers rights/get custody of him. Basically, without going into detail, his mom is no longer in the picture, hasn't been in it for awhile). Anyway, we got to the office and Ms Angie was on the phone, but when she got off, we all gathered in the office, Naomi, Rachel, Ms. Angie, and I. Ms. Angie told us it didn't go good. The judge ruled that since Jalen was technically abandoned, he was to go to DHR and go into foster care!!!! I was so shocked because I had no idea that he would leave anytime soon!! I knew we had a lot of kids leaving this summer, but J...no way!!!! (For those of you who don't now, J was "my" boy. A lot of us girls get attached to certain kids and the kids to us and there is a strong bond there, even though we all work in shifts and take care of all the kids.Anyway, J and I are very close.) That day when they told me(June 10, 2009) we didn't now when he'd be leaving, we just knew he would be. Coe came in and he prayed. I didn't cry right away, but I did eventually. J saw us in tears and asked several times, "You sad?" What a sweetheart!!! I was so grateful that they took me into the office to talk to me and let me know what was going on!!!!

Not only was it terribly sad to think of him leaving, it was also the shattering of a dream...this is being very honest, but I had dreamed that someday I would get married and I could adopt him, but now....

We did know of a couple options of people who could possibly adopt him, but none of this was sure or anything. We just didn't know what would happen. As I wrote, probably late that night, early the next morning "Yesterday began my journey of saying goodbye to my little man, to Jalen." He was so much a part of my life, my family, even, he spent the last 2 Christmases and Thanksgivingswith me and mom and dad, been to a couple extended family gatherings, traveled with us...

Here is another excerpt of what I wrote that day "If the Jones or Millers(names both changed by me for here) would adopt him, that would be easier. It would still be hard, he wouldn't be mine, I wouldn't see him everyday,etc.but I know they would still allow me to be part of his life. But if DHR took him and placed him foster care, I would most likely never see him again.And that would be sad. They wouldn't know him. Would they put Eucerin on his skin to keep it from getting dry? Would they now that he loves to being read to, that he loves the pancake book(If You Give Pig a Pancake), that I also read him "Guess How Much I Love You" often? Would they know that he loves the movie "Little Rascals?" That when he comes running "Nose,nose" it means that his nose is running and needs to be blown? Would they show him the moon, pray with him, help him sing "Jesus Loves Me"? He's not mine, I know that and I know that no matter what happens, God is in control, but its still hard, so hard. I don't want to tell him good-bye. I want to hold him forever." end of excerpt.

Here is another excerpt from June 18 "Olga mentioned to me on facebook how when she thought *********** was going to go, she read about Moses, so I read about that Tuesday night and about Isaac and Abraham last eve. How did they do it? Only by God's grace!! WOW!!! Like with Moses' mother giving him to a virtual stranger, and the trust and obedience and faith that Abraham had, his long awaited son, his only son! And then God gave Jesus, his only Son, to die and so many of the people he died for don't even care. So though its hard, I can do it. How? With God's grace and help. Are these just words or can I really do as I am saying/writing, I need to be able to..."

So I walked though these weeks, not knowing what would happen. Currently, i was the closest thing to a mother J had ever had(I don't say that in a bragging way). I love that boy as my own, and the attachment is mutual. And now I had to let him go...I didn't now when or to who and there was the possibility I might never see him again...here is an excerpt from my prayer journal "I pray if he has to go with DHR that You would place him in a loving 2 parent Christian home, if its Your will. I do pray still for a miracle, Lord, I would love to be able to adopt that boy!!"

Well, fastforward to this past Thurs. It was an emotional rollercoaster for me, hearing things through out the day, from the one daughter here at Adullam House, Mr Pete(the owner), later....after my shift, I went over to talk to Ms. Angie(Mr Pete's wife) in the office and we talked for a lil while, what was going on,etc. She thought he might go the next day to DHR. That afternoon, I wrote in my prayer journal "Oh Lord, I'm desperate...so desperate..what is going to happen with Jalen? Lord, Help me accept whatever happens...Its so hard..."

That night we had a ladies fellowship. Ms Angie announced to us, "The bad news is that Jalen is leaving tomorrow, the good news is that Mr and Mrs Jones(names changed by me, but its one of the couples I mentioned earlier in this post) are adopting him!!!! Wow!! he would have to go to a foster home first, but the foster home sounded good, it was a pastor family. That evening I started packing for him and the next day I went with Ms Angie. We took him to the DHR office where we met with the foster parents, and a couple people from DHR. It all went really good.. They are an awesome Christian couple(they have 6 kids) and were so nice. They were all about yes come visit and stuff and we exchanged info. I actually got to ride over to their house with them and J and got to sit and watch him play for awhile and see for myself that he was going ot be ok. The social worker then brought me back to A House.  I was so grateful for how everyone wanted what was best for J, caring enough to not jsut take him, but having me go along and stuff was so nice for both him and I. DHR was also so good to work with. Ms Angie and I both feel really good about the foster place. I've ben in touch a little bit by email and plan to go visit this week. The adoptive mom has also been in touch with me a lil( we know them already, Ms Angie asked them if they would take him, they are an awesome Christian family. The mother and daughter come down every so often to Adullam House.) So i feel like God really took care of it all, and just worked it out so amazingly!!! I know I haven't lost him as in never seeing him, because I will be able to visit the foster home, and I'm sure I'll be able to visit the adoptive family when he goes there.

I also feel like the timing was amazing. I didn't want him to leave when I was out of town, and he left after I was back from the beach trip and before I left to go up north to visit!!!!! Isn't God amazing!!!!  I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm sad, i miss him, I wish he wouldn't have had to go...its a loss...but compared to what could have happened....I am blessed!! Since he had to leave, he's in the best place. I love that he has a daddy now....he really needs that. I love that he can sit down with a family at meals, have siblings to play with,etc I sent along his favorite book, movie, etc....stuff to help him feel more at home!!

I still hate to think of him getting attached there  and then having to uproot him when he gets adopted and all the change he will have to through again and how hard that will be for him, but thats the way it has to go. At least the adoptive family can visit and he nows them and stuff. I also now it will be hard for me as I see the bond between me and him change and the bond between him and his foster family, and then his adoptive family, change to a parent/child relationship. when I won't be the "number 1" figure in his life. I know that sounds selfish and it has to happen and it will be good for him, but I still know it will be hard for me. It sounds like he is doing great from what I have heard via email and thats great. but even there I selfishly struggle a little, Does he even miss me? And I feel selfish saying that/ writing that, and I do want what is best for him.

After he is adopted, I imagine I can put pics up, if the adoptive parents don't mind, which I don't think they will. Please pray for all involved....for Jalen, that all this wouldn't be too hard on him, for me, and also for the adoptive and foster families!!! And praise God for how it all wored out. Notice how in one prayer journal entry I asked God that if he had to go he could be placed in a Christian 2 parent home...and he is...both foster and adoptive!!!! God really did work it all out for the good. even though its hard for me to let him go, I can stilll see him, he will have a good home the rest of his life, the timing of him leaving was good even, as I was there and able to be involved, I'm so grateful.